You think too much

...when in tears and strife,
You  yearn to crawl into the safety of comfort,
Thinking won't lead you there
It will only serve to magnify your stress and confuse

Rather visit the quiet calm beside the tranquil  stream
The water's run freely here beneath the shady trees
Where voices are silenced  and sore souls soothedYour inner well awaits it's chance to wash your  wounds away

Forever faithful and infinite in its supply
It whispers truth quietly
The mind confuses and tricks

Allow love to comfort
Let the well flow freely into the stream of life to guide you alongside the gently sloping banks. Circumnavigating and protecting  you from the jagged rocks that come your

Trust
Listen in  silence to receive the greatest wisdom of all that's always available to you

LOVE and FEAR

 

Live from love and not from fear,

if you live from a state of fear,

there will be struggle and chaos around you,

If you live from a space of love

there will be beauty and peace everywhere.

Love is the ultimate, even in dying  there will be less fear,

Fear feeds struggle and anger, and suffering for dear life,

Unable to comprehend the bounty of love that awaits

every living soul

I am

 

….pure divine light

… pure love

… perfect the way I am

… pure creative energy

… on my own personal journey

 

…

Impromptu Joy

1. Joy is often found in this place, unplanned, unrehearsed, unscripted. The biggest challenge is paying attention, remembering and being grateful for those very ordinary moments that are really magical ones, just because we were fully present in the moment.

Impromptu joy over the last week looked like this;

• going  for a short drive after getting ice cream, ending up next to a big dune, leaving the car running because we were just getting out for five minutes to see if the sand is cool enough to walk on. It turned into lots of laughs while feet are burning as we were struggling to get up to the top
• practicing phonics and while saying mmmmm, my lips were seriously being tickled by the vibration of the letter which lead to endless jokes and laughter interrupting our bedtime routine
• G getting an unexpected gymnastic lesson from an aunt on how to land when jumping. The excitement, pride and the smile on her face said it all
• Meeting up with a friend for coffee, connecting and sharing happening on a deep level, feeling understood.

Amazing Insights

 

You know what,  I am so grateful in a way for my journey with this tumor… it is really helping me to really authentically FEEL the clichés such as, ‘you have to love yourself before you can love others’, and ‘you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive others’.  It’s only now at the age of 40 and through the process of this year, that I can honestly say I finally  understand these words and what they mean.  It is such a relief to truely feel this AND the best 40th gift ever.

How can one truely love life if they can’t love themselves first and forgive themselves and others?  None of us are perfect and we all live our lives and have our personal demons.

Along with these insights comes the insight into judgement…I believe it is only through loving yourself and forgiving yourself that you can honestly say you don't judge others.  Not judging doesn't mean we have to agree, it simply means we can acknowledge somebody else's viewpoints without having to take them on. If we gossip, we are judging others, without understanding or respecting their personal life journey, their difficult roads, etc. 

I watched a movie called ‘The lunchbox’ last night. It had such a meaningful quote in it for me, sometimes people catch the wrong train, but it can transport you to the right places.  Which brings another insight into the lime light – there are no wrongs or rights.  I am just so grateful that I can now after all these years love myself and see how I have been so damned hard on myself!!!…Its only taken 40 years!!!!  Let the healing begin.

Personal Mantras Etched in Silver

In the silver jewelry workshop I made a ring with my words that just popped into my head at the time, words that I can hang onto when feeling low and words that I can aspire to when feeling good. I didn't add spaces as I just wanted it to look like lots of letters scattered on the ring:

" BREATHEJOYLOVEBE 

  WHOLEHEATEDLETGO

  CREATEBRAVEWOW  "

The words on the ring has now become my personal mantras.

• BREATHE - mindfulness has been a big life changer, the easiest way to get there is through     my breath
• JOY - always look for it, it's never far away, most often to be found in the simple moments
• LOVE - feel the love, let the love flow, it's all about love
• BE - in the moment, in the now, it's all there is
• WHOLEHEARTED - far from perfect, being vulnerable, open
• LET GO - let go of expectations and the story surrounding it
• CREATE - I need to create, it opens me up, it brings me immense energy and joy
• BRAVE - receiving and giving love requires vulnerability, which requires courage, it's totally worth it
• WOW - choose to focus on the positives (Wow!) instead of the negatives (Ow!)

The ring is far from perfect but has such huge sentimental value to me. I love wearing it.

Baby Animals

 

There's nothing like a baby animal to boost your spirits and warm your heart, unless you dislike animals, which I can’t understand.

On our 3 day holiday/break in Napier we visited a goat farm with plus/minus 30 baby goats ranging from 2 weeks to 3 months age.

The delight on Julia's face just being with these was enough to warm my heart for another month at least.

Quirky Eccentric Artists

 

We are slowly building up our collection of art. I love how artists inspire others with their quirky ideas and recycling of such materials as door knobs, spark plugs etc. This guy is called sparky because he has a spark plug at the end of his body.  Sparky is sitting on our coffee table peering out at us and enjoying the fire when it’s cold.

AM Yoga

Doing a short yoga routine anytime during the day is a priority now, morning works best, it makes me more present, more relaxed, more open and flexible to what the day might bring. I do it in our art room and after the routine I lie on my back listening to the music, breathing, watching the sun creep over the house and light up the big old palm tree, staring into the sky - feeling grateful for this day, the gift of another day.

A Well Chosen Gift

 

Oh the delights of motherhood continue, through all the hard times we may have, there are so many more joy filled moments with laughter and spontaneity at the core.

For Julia's 6th birthday, I had mountains of fun filling a sewing box for her.  Mum and I hunted around for the perfect box, which took forever. We then had so much fun filling it with a whole lot of sewing bits and bobs from pins and needles, to scissors and felt, ribbon, thimbles, buttons, etc.

The joy of watching her bring that sewing box out now all by herself, to start sewing projects is adorable.  So far she has sewn a skirt and hat for our Boston terrier, Amy, along with a patchwork blanket that is a work in progress. She has just started beading, stuffing and stitching felt xmas tree decorations for gifts.

I’m grateful because I know in my heart that my daughter loves this gift from my heart to hers. Sewing has been a very big part of my childhood as well as Julia’s.  It comforts me to know that she will probably have that box forever and hopefully will always have fond recollections of us just chatting away whilst creating, needle and thread in hand.

Taking Action Now!

 

 

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Today I am remembering how important it is to act now.  It’s easy to keep saying to ourselves, to our children, to our loved ones….we will do this “once I have time” or “get the materials I need for that project” or whatever the case may be… do it now, sew, cook, mosaic, do it all – you never know when it might be the last time.  Remember my new fave quote.  How you live your life today is a reflection of how you live your life!

I love the pic a friend sent me – Live with no regrets and as though there really is no tomorrow…think about what you would do right now if there was no tomorrow.

A Peanut Butter Moment

This is a photo that captures the emotion of absolute present mindfulness -  which brings forth joy.

We made our own peanut butter by roasting red skinned peanut, shelling them altogether around the table, popping them in the food processor and whizzing with a tablespoon or two of peanut oil.

We all hovered around that processor with teaspoons ready….Delicious… the taste of it, but more wonderful and delightful, was that JOY  i felt.  It’s so important to practice mindfulness daily…we think we are being present but the majority of us aren’t…the peanut butter moment was a great reminder for me of the gift of being in the ‘moment.

Curiosity doesn't kill the cat

Curiosity doesn't kill the cat it opens up our worlds.

Our natural relationship to the world is not indifference. It is curiosity. - Tara Mohr

May we never stop being curious about the world around us. I am grateful to be curious about so many things. 

bEAUTIFUL sURPRISES

 

This was one of my most visually satisfying wow moments of late…I was in the garden  collecting some flowers for a vase.  When I went to cut the rose I wanted, I also cut a small bud by mistake.  My sister had just bought me the most perfect set of chemistry vases to put small collections in and this tiny one fit my bud perfectly.

Not only was the scent of this flower astounding but also on viewing the next morning it had opened from a little bud and was slowly in the process of realising its true full potential as a rose in bloom.

It was pretty much opening before my eyes and injected me with so much light and love in my day.

The smallest mistakes can lead to the most joy giving experiences.

Proud Flesh

This is my latest intuitive painting, the last layer was inspired by Matisse's Blue Lady.

I see a scarred body but nevertheless a beautiful body. In fact, the body is more beautiful and captivating because of the scars. It reminded me of the poem For What Binds Us by Jane Hershfield. and that's where the name of the painting, Proud Flesh, came from;

 "  And see how the flesh grows back

across a wound, with a great vehemence,

more strong

than the simple, untested surface before.

There's a name for it on horses,

when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

as all flesh,

is proud of its wounds, wears them

as honors given out after battle,

small triumphs pinned to the chest"

I am grateful for my scars, as it means many of the wounds have healed. 

I am grateful to have proud flesh. 

Babylonstoren….time spent in amazing places.

 

It was a magical treat to take Julia out of school for the day (life is too short) and take mum, my sister who was visiting at the time, and Nev to this beautiful gardeners paradise in the winelands.  The lunch at the greenhouse was so delicious and fresh with tiny edible flower, blueberries and raspberries scattered about.  Nev received kisses from delighted koi in the pond, whilst Julia marvelled and absorbed nature all around, growing pumpkins, strawberries, lotus flowers.  I saw the most amazing presentation of tiny succulents covering and living on a tree trunk amidst a recycled rubber tyre set up of sorts..fascinating and creatively inspiring.  Grateful for this memorable day spent with loved ones in nature which is always so revitalising.

Loving Hurts

Love might not hurt but loving with a open heart sure does.

Loving your child means you feel it intensely when their heart hurts.
Loving a loved one if they can't love you in return hurts.
Loving a loved one that has a huge wall around their heart hurts because you know they don't feel loved.
Loving a loved one when they are facing a big battle in their life hurts because you feel their energy sapping struggle when they get up in the morning to face another day on the battle field, not knowing how it will end.
Loving anyone with an open heart really really hurts.

But I don't want to love any other way.

It's only when I love this way that I can feel the intense, eruptive joy when my child is shining.
It's only when I love this way that I know I made someone feel loved, who might have never felt loved before.
It's only when I love this way that I can experience the intense connection when love is returned.
It's only when I love this way that I can be deeply inspired by a loved one who gets up every day, strap on their shield of courage and go to the battlefield.
It's only when I love this way that I can taste the deep relief and the exquisitely sweet, elated victory when their battle has been won.
It's only when I love this way that I can feel the love flow.

I am grateful for the courage to love with an open heart.

I am grateful to love with an open heart, even if it is really hurting right now.

Something Blue

In my quest looking for gratitude, I am looking with fresh eyes at my objects around the house, appreciating the beauty, colour, texture or memories it stirs.

Object #1 is my blue bottle, it sits on my dresser table with beads around the neck of it and I must confess I can't remember the last time I have actually noticed it. 

Today I am looking at the bottle with new eyes;

• the exquisite cobalt blue 
• the curvy shape
• the contrast created by light reflecting and deflecting from its curves
• remembering the friend that gave it to me more than a decade ago

There is gratitude in seeing beauty.

Tiny Dove with Sixth Sense

Just love this little dove you got me and to think we are both wearing it today, that's pretty cool!

Upside Down House

I am grateful for a untidy house because it means I have a little five year old girl that's playing and creating.

 I am grateful for four loads of washing because it means we have fun, go places and get quite dirty.

 I am grateful for lots of dirty dishes because it means that I am cooking way more than before and that G and I are eating together.

 I am grateful that I have to do most of the housework now because it means that I am now a stay at home mom.

I am grateful for maintenance problems because it means I have a house and a garden and a pool.

I am grateful for G frustrating the living day light out of me at times because it means I have a daughter, and she has her own ideas.

I am grateful for all confrontations in my life because it shows me where I still need to grow.

I am grateful for my life, messy and hard work at times, full of ups and downs, but so very precious.