Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Massage Guilt

I went for a massage today, a free one (pay for ten, get one free) and I actually felt guilty while having my feet washed before the massage. Don't get me wrong, I was over the moon that I was about to have a massage with my favourite Thai masseuse, Apple. Her massages are just so good, her hands (and elbows, feet and forearms) literally dance all over your body, always flowing, never stopping, being tough and hard the one moment and gentle the next. But as I sat with my feet in the water, a sudden wave of guilt washed over me, whispering: " Your friends are at work and you are having a massage. Your nanny is saving all her money to send her daughter to a private school in the Philipines and you are going for another massage. You can't afford to keep your nanny but you can afford a massage? Your mother would never have taken the time and money to spoil herself like this. What makes you so special that you should be having a massage this morning? If everybody else don't have the time or can't afford it, do you really think you should be doing this?"

I justified it to myself by saying: " I am nurturing myself and when I nurture myself, it benefits the people around me". That lasted for five minutes and then I started thinking: "Maybe your life be terrible in a years time and people will say it's OK that she had a massage once a week because now her life is pretty shitty, poor thing." How crazy is that? Do I have few issues around guilt or what?

So I turned to free virtual advice, courtesy of my absolute favourite, inspirational, self help guru,  Danielle LaPorte and found this article on her blog, You're going to feel guilty.

Sonja: Really? Really, really? It sucks. Interesting. Continue. 
Danielle: So how to vanquish the guilt? How to avoid guilt altogether so you can go get what you want? You can’t. You don’t. Guilt is part of the deal. You will experience guilt as you craft the life of your dreams. It’s part of your conscience, it’s the tension in “creative tension.”
Sonja: So now that I am taking action to create the feelings and life I desire, I am always going to feel guilty that my life is good? 
Danielle: The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough. It’s the price of admission to fulfillment.You’re going to feel guilty. Breathe. Keep going. Ultimately, we’re all better off if you let your heart take the lead.
Sonja: I can live with that. I will trust you on this. It will take some practice. It's all worth it. Thank you. Your wisdom resonates with me. 

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